Our little Star

We had a tragedy in our family, we miscarried our third child. We were thrilled and scared at the thought of three kids, but toasted our good fortune to the newest addition. Then 8 very short weeks later, the baby was gone. We've had terrific support from our family and friends but at some point that support now seems suffocating. I just want to scream at people when they tell me how sorry they are. Of course you are sorry, you'd be a monster not to be. I know that there is nothing else they can say and have been on the opposite side with nothing to say. And that knowledge keeps me from flying off the handle, but the anger inside me is bubbling over. Yes, I am angry. I'm angry that my body failed this baby or genetics failed this baby ("chromosomes not connected to support life" I believe the doctor said) or the world of science failed this baby or God took the blessing back.... No matter what the cause, I AM ANGRY! We had plans. We had names. We were happy. Now we are just sad and empty. Yes, we will get through this and Yes, we will be stronger for it and No, there's nothing you can do for us and No, we do not need any more pep talks or sorrys.... I'm sorry too. I'm very sorry. I miss you little star. For a brief moment this morning I thought it was all a bad dream. Until we meet again Little Star, May God hold you in the palm of his hand.

It's a New Year!

Ok - I survived the holidays... Crazy whirlwind of visiting family, husband home from training, Santa arriving, followed with a birthday party for the kids and a mini-New Year's party for me. I'm exhausted and am actually happy to get back to a normal routine. Though I miss not having to wake up to the alarm.

So where do we go from here? My husband will be finishing up the first part of his training in less than a month and will finally be home for a more regular schedule... YIPPEE! Not sure what this year is going to bring for the rest of us. I'm trying to focus on small goals. Perhaps a mini-vacation?

Haeleigh is going to be a flower girl in a wedding in June. Not quite sure how well that will work out - she's a bit shy... but we shall see. Either way - she's going to look absolutely adorable! Now I just need to find a suit for Rhyse... there's a challenge!

I hope that this year provides some good blogging material... I've decided that I'm going to try to tackle the extra baby weight and try to prep for next year's high school reunion... I don't know that I'm going yet or even if there will be one - but I need a goal and really want to get in better shape to keep up with the kids. So we shall see how that goes. I did pretty well eating-wise today... though had an extra Starbucks treat and fast food for dinner.... so... maybe not so good. Well, there's always tomorrow!!!