Oh where am I going?

Today I spent the day pouring over a company's financials trying to piece together an income statement. 7 hours with my butt stuck in a chair and hunched over a computer keyboard....not the highlight! I enjoyed parts of it - kind of like a puzzle to be put together - but for the most part I just longed to be with the kids. My boss told me that he's pleased with the progress I've given him, but I have to admit that I feel like I really didn't do anything. I've been fighting a deep depression over our financial situation for the past few weeks. I so want to be everything all at once. I want to be the awesome mom, who's there for the kids for every first. I want to show my daughter it's great to be a strong woman and having a good career can be rewarding as well. I want to travel and see what the world (even just our small corner of it) has to offer. I still feel after 35 (almost 36) years that I just don't have a path to follow. I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up with all the answers.

Update

Wow - I'm afraid that my posting does not bring any happier news. It's now April, we're still hanging on to the house by the skin of our teeth. I have a temporary job lined up for a week next week, but nothing after that and it's not enough to ease our suffering. Today, I received a scam lottery winning that for a brief moment had me thinking that a miracle happened and we were going to be ok. My husband passed the exam for the Secret Service and that is progressing, however it's a long drawn out process. I was able to pay our tax bill, but we've come to the end of the line on the mortgage. I pray everyday that something will break for us. I so don't want to re-enter the working world right now, I've really enjoyed being a stay-at-home mom. I dread next week! We've been blest with friends and family who have added us to their prayer list. Oh may this drought come to an end! I am grateful for my husband. Throughout this stressful time, our marriage is a rock. We are surely being tested and continue to pass!!!